Super Cafe: Jurassic World Trailer
by Batman1809
Summary: I had some beef with the new trailer, mostly involving trainable raptors. Grant and Malcolm discuss there beef with the World's Finest.
1. Super Cafe: Jurassic World

Super Café: Jurassic World Trailer

**Well, the trailer just came out... **

**Let's be honest, I was looking forward to this since the rumors started in 2004... when I was a freshman in high school, and now I'm a senior in college!**

**Well, let's just say that something _really_ bugged me. **

* * *

Superman and Batman are in the Café with Alan Grant and Ian Malcolm.

Superman: So, the Jurassic World Trailer just came out, looks cool, right?

Batman: Yeah, looks cool.

Grant: Well I think it stinks!

Batman: What?! Why?

Malcolm: Well, because, it, uh, it takes everything I explained what was wrong in the first film, ignores it, and, ah, just... makes it work!

Superman: Yeah, but something goes wrong, right? Isn't that the thing with these movies, something goes wrong?

Grant: Yes, but not only were they arrogant enough to make a frickin Tylosaurus...

Batman: That was awesome.

Superman: It's obviously going to eat someone.

Grant:... But they decided to make a hybrid! Supposedly between a Trex and a raptor!

Superman trade "that's awesome!" looks.

Grant: I mean, do they even have the slightest idea what to expect?

Malcolm: The patented it, slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now, they're selling it! They're selling it!

Batman: Whoa, easy on the table dude.

Grant: And what's more, THEY TAMED THE RAPTORS!

Batman: What, I thought it was kind of cool.

Grant: Cool?! They took the most dangerous creature on the planet, and they just brought it down to dog level! You just don't do it! They listen to no one, they are the ultimate killing machine, and they turned them into attack dogs!

Superman: You know they're doing the same thing with the T-rex, right?

Batman: Yeah, I bet they're going to make them fight the hybrid... It's going to be epic!

Malcolm: Didn't I, um, say that you can't control nature? That life, ah, finds a way?

Superman: Yes, we know!

Grant: Then how is it that these creatures, which in three previous films were portrayed as uncontrollable beasts, capable of crossing all boundaries, are suddenly trainable?

Batman: Well, have you ever tried to train them?

Grant: Uh, no.

Superman: And if it weren't for that Nedry guy, the park might have actually worked out?

Malcolm: That's not the point! According to chaos theory, _something _would have gone wrong!

Batman: OK, what is with you and chaos? You're starting to sound like the Joker!

Superman: Besides, zoos around the world work out just fine, how come chaos doesn't apply to them?

Malcolm: Because other, other zoos don't keep, uh, giant dinosaurs that can rip an elephant in two!

Superman: You know what, I think I know what's really going on here... you two are just jelly because you're not in it!

Grant: I am not Jelly!

Malcolm: Um, Jelly?

Batman: Don't ask.

Superman: Face it, you got replaced by fresh talent who doesn't say "um" every other word.

Malcolm. Um, excuse me, I do not use the word, ah, "um" every other word!

Superman: Oh come on, you say either "ah" or "um" just as often as Batman says "because I'm Batman!"

Batman: I don't say it that often!

Superman: Who would win, you or a raptor?

Batman: Me!

Superman: And why is...

Batman: BECAUSE I"M BATMAN!

Malcolm: Wow, I , um, I see how that can be, ah, annoying... Dang it! You're right! It's like a nervous tick! (Looks to Grant) Did you know I did this?

Grant: Why do you think you never got the memo Jurassic Park 3?

* * *

**YOU DON'T TAME THE RAPTORS GOSH DARN IT! You just don't! AAAHHHH! I knew there were rumors since day one, but I thought it was just a rumor! Rumors are never true! And the one time it is, it's for something bad!**

**It's just so stupid, stupid, stupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupid...**

**(This is just my opinion, and the movie might actually be good, and if a movie involving a talking raccoon turned out good (ironically, it also had Chris Pratt), then it might, _might_, work out. That, and I learned from Frozen that just because you don't like the trailer, doesn't mean the movie will suck. So, let's see...)**


	2. Follow up

Follow up

**So, some of you already know how I feel on the whole "Training raptors" thing. Well, I was reading an article about it, and this is what the director had to say...**

_**"Owen's relationship with the raptors is complicated. They aren't friends. These animals are nasty and dangerous and they'll bite your head off if you make the wrong move. But there are men and women out there today who have forged tenuous connections with dangerous predators. That's interesting territory to me"**_

**So, Love and HeartBreak21, you might be right that the raptors might turn on him, so there is hope for this movie. Let's see...**

**Thanks to Bambudja, jj12, and Love and HeartBreak21 for your reviews. **

**If anyone has any sujjestions for future Jurassic World parodies, feel free to leave a suggestion. It doesn't have to be Super Café. **

**-Batman**


	3. Jurassic World Super Cafe

Jurassic World Super Cafe

_**Spoilers! You have been warned.**_

**OK, so as you know, I was recently appalled by the idea that the raptors were tamed, and I was questionable about this movie I've been waiting 13 years for...**

**OH MY FRICKIN' GOSH WAS I WRONG! Jurassic World was EPIC! It was smart, it was funny, it was intense, and not to mention, for all those who read the books, all those little bits and pieces that was left out of the previous films! The camouflaging effect in Indominus Rex reflecting Carnotaurus in the Lost World novel; the fact that Henry Wu wanted to genetically modify the dinosaurs, and ultimately had a larger role altogether; not to mention the revelation of the fate of the old visitor center. **

**And then their was the final fight scene between the T-rex, Blue, and the Indominus rex. Can you say EPIC AWESOME! **

**I have to admit, it had a weak beginning, but the ending and the story more than compensated for it. I personally feel that it was on par with the original... not it's equal, but a worthy sequel. **

**Now, for a follow up to my Super Café.**

* * *

Superman, Batman, Owen and Claire in the café.

Batman: So then what happened?

Owen: Oh, we got out, reunited the family, walked into the sunset, and I'm sure Rexy roared in victory or something.

Superman: So, did you actually tame the raptors or not?

Owen: What do you mean?

Superman: I mean your seemingly had them eating out of your hands, then they tried to eat you, then they were your hunting buddies, then they ate a ton of people, then you got them to turn against the pale dino...

Owen: How many times do I have to say this? It was a _relationship. _Every relationship has their ups and downs. Batman should know.

Batman: (sighs) yes, yes I do.

Superman: Why did you guys make something so dangerous to begin with?

Claire: Uh, people love dangerous stuff?

Superman and Batman both shrug.

Superman: I can see that.

Batman: I'd probably go see it. But then again I wouldn't really worry about it. You know why?

Superman: No.

Batman: Because I'm Batman!

Owen: And it's not like any of us knew it had raptor DNA and some other stuff put in.

Batman: But why did it's genetic makeup have to be such a big secret?

Owen: Ha, you know I asked her the exact same thing?

Claire: We just wanted something big. How was I supposed to know it had the ability to cover its thermo signature and camouflage?

Batman: You basically made a super dino! Heck, she would be at that villains bar down the way.

Batman: Heck, just give her a healing factor while you're at it!

All laugh. Then, they stop.

Superman: Uh, you didn't give it a healing factor did you?

Claire: Uh...

Batman: Or the ability to breath underwater, could it do that?

Owen: I really wish I knew where the heck Wu was.

Superman: So, for all we know, it can fly an shoot lasers from its eyes?

Batman: Or be Batman.

Owen and Claire look at each other uncomfortably.

Owen: You don't suppose...

* * *

(Villains Pub)

Joker and Luthor are sitting on opposite sides of the Indominus rex, who is able to lift the beer glass with its opposable thumbs.

Joker: So then what did you do?

Indominus: Well, after I realized I had a healing factor and could breath under water, I ate the Mosasaurus from the inside out and swam all the way back here, where I learned English and plan to find my mortal human enemies and eat them.

Luthor: Wow, so camouflage, ability to both sense and mask your own thermo signature, healing factor, breath underwater, and super intelligence. You really are a super villain!

Joker: Hey, how about I hire you to eliminate a certain friend of mine?

Luthor: I wonder if I could incorporate kryptonite into your DNA and make you eat superman?

Loki walks in: Or hit you with gamma radiation and eat the Hulk?

Indominus: I am not a toy! I am a living organism who grew up without any companions or contact! I'm lonely and misunderstood! All I want to do is go on a sociopathic cereal killer rampage while I figure out where I fit in the universe!

Joker: Uh, you just described half of the people in this place. You're not that special.

Indominus roars in furious rage and tears apart the villains pub.

* * *

(Super Café)

Everyone: ...Nah!

* * *

(Training facility on Isla Nublar)

Batman on Bat-pod, riding through the streets of Gotham. Along his side runs up the four raptors, all with bat masks on.

Batman: Onward my pretties! Tonight, we clean up Gotham! Ha ha! Because I'm Batman! (speeds forward with the raptors following).

* * *

**Idea of Indominus being a super villain came from a friend of mine. Seriously, how many abilities does it have? It even had a back story! Well, I'm off to see it again. If you want to read my full review with spoilers, then check out my Tumblr page on my profile page. If you don't want spoilers, just here this: Don'e listen to what some critics are saying. The CGI is awesome, the acting is great, the comedic moments are hilarious, and the story is well done. Yes, the kids are a little annoying, but that's a given. WATCH IT!**

**-Batman**


End file.
